All These Are True: Fifty Things I'll Never Do

A list of fifty I’ve compiled:

Some things I’ll never do.

As you’re here to read my blog,

I’ll share them all with you.

I’ll begin quite simply,

I’ll never fly a plane.

I’ll never be an athlete,

Or grow a lion’s mane.

For dignity, I won’t go blonde,

Or be caught dead in cheetah print;

I won’t pierce my bellybutton,

And I won’t eat pocket lint.

I can’t be a superhero,

Or study chemistry.

I’ll never be a school mascot,

Or practice dentistry.

I won’t become a cheerleader,

I’ll never speak Chinese.

I won’t become a circus clown,

Or swing from the trapeze.

I wasn’t meant to be a lawyer,

Doctor, teacher, priest,

I won’t drive a motorcycle,

I won’t ever eat raw yeast.

I won’t design a tall skyscraper,

I won’t watch Jersey Shore.

I don’t intend to become Buddhist,

Or fight a wild boar.

I know I won’t eat pickles,

Or go back to high school.

I’ll never climb a mountain,

Or try to ride a mule.

I know this much for certain:

Hammock’s aren’t for me;

I’ll never set myself on fire,

Or drive in the Grand Prix.

I don’t plan to go to Iceland,

I’ll stay away from drugs.

I know I’ll never win a race,

Or sport glasses shaped like beer mugs.

I simply can’t be Asian,

Mexican, or Black.

I won’t live in a mansion,

I won’t live in a shack.

I’ll never see Hannah Montana perform,

I won’t drink Listerine.

I’m not going to walk on the moon,

I can’t keep my desk clean.

I’m sure I’ll never skydive,

I don’t plan to take up weaving.

I won’t take square dancing lessons,

I’ll never stop “believin’.”

There are many things I’ll never do,

I won’t memorize the Constitution,

But the list of things I will do someday,

Won’t ever reach a conclusion.